My Writing this term

This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.

We have used the following criteria to guide us:

• Changing the word order of a sentence
• Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and  personification
• Using specific verbs and adjectives
• Using  show, don’t tell techniques
• Using different sentence beginnings and lengths

Here are some examples of my writing this term.

Show Don’t Tell - Emotions

Sad:  I woke up with a smile on my face, excited to see my new dog my mum promised me. I ran out of my room straight to my mums room where said the dog will be in the morning. I already figured that  I would call it Steve. I went through the doorway to see the dog cage empty. My smile slowly went away until it was a sulk. I asked my mum where the dog was and she said that the dog was too expensive. I quietly sulked to my mum. “But you promised me.” I slowly walked out of the room to the lounge with my head down, tears dropping out of my eyes.

Nervous: I slowly stepped into the plane and buckled up my parachute. The plane took off with a choppy start but when we got up to  the cruising altitude it was a whole different feeling. When the door opened I at at the edge with my legs dangling in the air. My hands and legs were shaking like crazy but I was committed. I fell out of the plane with a frown on my face but I opened the parachute and landed safely.

Angry: I was at the starting line for cross country. I put one foot forward confidently and the race started. I was coming first but then someone purposely shoved me over and I fell. I filled with rage and my face turned red. I could almost see steam coming out of my ears like in cartoons. I stood up and charged towards the front and I still won the race.

Writing to Music:

Deep In The Galaxy

Year 2040

“Delicious!” Bill said as he finished eating his sandwich. Bill was a 26 year old astronaut with a pot belly. “Come on, hurry up Bill.” Said a skinny teenager called Jimmy. “Kyle’s waiting for us”. They boarded a spaceship called the curver 3000. It was given the name by Kyle AKA the leader because of its curved body shape. Kyle was a 37 year old man who had loved space since the age of 1. “UHHH I can’t wait.”Yelled Jimmy at the top of his lungs because it was his first time going to space. Because it was Jimmy's first time, he wasn’t allowed to fly the spaceship so Bill and Kyle were going to fly.

“All systems check.” “All systems check captain.” “And...takeoff.” They flew over Tee Hee city. Then they burst through the atmosphere and got an amazing view of planet earth. They orbited earth twice until they went past a planet named after a great man. It was planet Larry. They undid their seatbelts and floated around until they all got to the food galley. “Yum, frozen carrots.” They floated around until everyone got bored except Jimmy.

“Ok Jimmy”. Said Kyle. “This is planet Zoon, and you know what that means don’t you?” “What?” “A black hole!” Bill walked into the cockpit. “Hi Bill.” “G’day, I heard y’all talking about a black hole, and I just wanted to tell Jimmy…never ever, go to close to a black hole.” “Why?” “Well because nothing escapes black holes, not even light.” “But there aren’t any in sight.” “Well that’s ‘cause they're invisible, wait, did you learn anything at astronaut school?” “No, I never went to astronaut school, it was way too expensive so I made a fake pass and look where I am now. Sorry Kyle.” “Do you know what you’ve done!” “I’m sorry Kyle.” “NO, no sorries, that’s it, we’re heading back to earth.”

‘Clunk’. “Did Y’all hear that”. They slowly started floating out of control.” Great job Kyle, you got me distracted and now we’re floating into a black hole.” “I’ll try to put full power away from where we’re floating away to.” “Uh crumbs, that engine isn’t working.” “Y’all needn’t to worry, I went to mechanic school, Kyle, hook me up! Bill pulled his harness on and a space suit and went into the pressurisation room and exited the spacecraft. He went straight to the first engines repair panel. He unplugged the red wire and then the blue wire. Bill then got a spare power box that he carried with him out of the spacecraft and then plugged the light blue wire into the A91 slot and plugged the dark red wire into the A92 slot. Bill then went around the other side and did the exact same thing with extra caution because if he messed up the whole ship would burst into one thousand pieces! With confidence he finished his job and entered the spaceship.

“Hey y’all, it should be fixed.” Good on you Bill!” “Ok Jimmy, I know you haven’t been to training but I need you to be my co-pilot.” “I have been waiting for this day for my whole life!” “great, but we don’t have much time.” “Okay Jimmy, raise throttle to 50% for 5 seconds then go to 100%. Jimmy did exactly what he was told to do instantly to try get Kyle to forgive him. Laggardly, the curver 3000 pulled away from the black hole and in no time Bill came back in his NASA uniform. “Well I see we got away from that one!”

They flew back down to earth and safely land the curver 3000. When they hopped out they found out that the cameras in the spaceship were being watched by the NASA ground base and it was being televised all over the world! “Hey Jimmy.” Said Kyle. “Yes.” “Did you know that I did the calculations and if we didn’t have the engines going full power three seconds after they did, we would of

been sucked in forever!” “So I know promote you, captain of the newly made curver 3000.”  

                                

The Sad Boy: “But mum, I really want the game and I have enough money”. “Fine, but be quick”. Tom walked down to the store with 40 dollars in his pocket. He walked into the store. “Hi, can I please get star destroyer 3?”. “Sorry mate, we’re sold out. Tom walked back to his house. “Muuuuuuuum, the game got sold out”. “All I ever wanted was that game”. He cried for 3 hours until his dad walked into the room holding it in his hand. “YAAAAAAAAY”! “How did you get it”? “It came out yesterday out ‘Videos R Us’. He played the game for the whole weekend until he got bored of it.

Viking Girl

“Errrrrrr, nobody gets me!” Kelly yelled as she walked up to her mum with her head down, eyes up. “What’s wrong sweetie?” “Everyone says ‘My Little Pony’ is the best but I like barbie.” She punched the air below and stormed off to her room and slammed the door. “I AM SO ANGRYYYYY!” “I wish there was NO such thing as ‘My Little Pony!” Kelly put a viking helmet on and decided to sneak into her sister’s room in the night and carefully cut the barbies up with scissors. In the morning her sister meg woke everyone up when they heard “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

The End

By Ashton